Check out my previous post on acceptance:
My experience in serving in various ministry positions paid or volunteer is that rejection and criticism are inevitable. This post has been difficult to write in a season of discouragement. Yet, it’s one way of processing while encouraging you.
Insights on Ministry Failure/Rejection
Lane Corley, a church planting specialist in Louisiana, writes:
“Facing rejection and criticism is a hazard of the calling. To be called to ministry is to be called to rejection.”
Lane explains why we should expect it and how to prepare in his article:
Rejection is not just for single men or women! It’s part of the experience of serving others.
Being Single in a marriage first culture
We live within the context of a particular “culture.” In the evangelical American South particularly conservative circles, marriage and child birth/raising is consistently placed above the call to being single. Marriage and the call to single (celibate) holy living are both presented in God’s Word (1 Corinthians 7, Paul’s teaching on family/marriage in various epistles) as being valid callings from God. In speaking with men in the pastorate, the married family “man” are also rejected for various reasons. It’s a common theme I’ve heard from men frustrated in church ministry. Rejection is common.
Society and Expectations
Society and individual people have preferences and established “ideals” of what someone should be in order to fulfill a role. If you’re single, you are considered defective or less than by some. Regardless of Paul’s teachings (1 Corinthians 7) or the reality that Jesus wasn’t married, society expectations typically supersede the truth of Scripture in the context of pastoral search. Would Jesus or Paul be welcome or valued in today’s church? I argue that they would be considered too controversial and thus unsuitable for church leadership role(s). They would have been advised to get married or assigned somewhere out of sight.
Other Factors: Not Just Being Single!
If you’re a certain age (too old or young), lack seminary or college credentials then you are passed over. Ministerial candidates are also discriminated against due to experience or history of “success.” How does a church or committee of people define spiritual success? Often it depends on a numbers “game” based on attendance/number of baptisms, or other numerical metrics.
At some point a person comes to the realization that one will not change these societal “expectations” nor can one simply adapt themselves to it. A mentor once advised me that if I wanted to be a pastor then I would “find a wife and get married.” Would that be a righteous way to enter into a relationship leading to marriage? “God has called me to be a pastor and I need a wife so a church will accept me. Let’s get married.” Would this situation be a good reason to unite with someone else in marriage and disobey the call to be celibate/single?
Root Issue: Shows up in other areas of church conflict
Some “Christians” are more concerned about what they personally desire than what God’s Word says. This root issue is at the heart of many church disagreements over worship “styles” and numerous other problems concerning personal preferences. When personal preferences and this is “how we have always done things” or “we have to make these changes so that this group of people will come” underlies choices, the consequences are inevitable. When churches blatantly discriminate against people due to martial status/age/other life circumstances then believers who don’t fit into the “preferred” group leave. When churches change worship style/format to prefer a specific age group then others feel “pushed out.”
When marriage is elevated above other things and presented as the “ideal” for believers, then marriage itself becomes an idol. When churches operate as businesses and seek to grow through attracting families while ignoring/neglecting the singles, widows, and others there are consequences.
Visit the churches in your community and count the number of attendees younger than those in their 50s or 60s. Even in the “bible belt” of Tennessee there are few churches with youth/young adults or singles present in a percentage that reflects the local population demographics. A healthy church should be similar to that of the community in relation to demographics such as age groups, marital status, and racial composition.
Consequently, one has to move forward and lean in toward God away from the bitter disappointments of the past. There are numerous articles about being single and how the modern “church” consistently fails men and women. Tamara Chamberlain provides numerous insights.
Reject people long enough and they will walk away. This is the reality in most communities of faith: less regular attendance, people considering themselves as “nones” in the religious surveys. This NPR article from Jan. 2024 explains:
How many single men or women are attending your church? How are they integrated within the community? How does your church body look in terms of demographics?
Root of the Issue: Fixed Mindset
This post explains the growth vrs fixed mindset
Growth Mindset
https://wordsofencouragementinchrist.com/2024/05/05/growth-mindset/
Former Pastor’s Viewpoint: Fixed Mindset
Alexander Lang writes:
“Hence, I eventually came to the conclusion that my particular skillset and perspective is a mismatch for the institutional church. What I offer is not what most Christians are looking for, which is another reason I’ve decided to move on. I realized that if I spend the rest of my life fighting a system that is not designed for someone like me, I’m going to end up an angry, bitter, broken shell of a human being.”
Source: https://www.restorativefaith.org/post/departure-why-i-left-the-church
We have a choice when people reject us. We can be bitter and angry or walk away toward something better.
I am writing this post for those who are facing this critical situation. When you’ve done everything possible, but realize that you are getting nowhere. I encourage you to view your situation as one in which God is drawing you closer to Him and away from the path of bitterness and avoidance.
The journey of faith–steps that lead us closer to His Presence! The path is narrow, and the steps steep.
Rejection & disappointment are a form of pruning
Related Post: Explanation of how God prunes us and we abide in Christ
https://wordpress.com/post/wordsofencouragementinchrist.com/6194
The critical question that one needs to answer when facing rejection is where is one’s identity found? Is it in doing or being? This author asserts that it is in the being, specifically a new creation in Christ. The following posts explores this topic:
https://wordpress.com/post/wordsofencouragementinchrist.com/5900
God prunes us in bringing us back to Him as our Source and Life, not what capacity we serve or how that others notice or regard us. When God ends opportunities and dreams die, then He is moving us forward to a deeper trust and hope in Him.
Numerous rejections have brought me to the place of reconsidering what if any role I will be involved in a local congregation.
The Reality of Spiritual Journey
A.W. Tozer reminds us of a powerful truth: we must be emptied to be filled
“There is a spiritual loneliness, an inner aloneness, an inner place where God brings the seeker, where he is as lonely as if there were not another member of the Church anywhere in the world.
Ah, when you come there, there is a darkness of mind, an emptiness of heart, a loneliness of soul, but it is preliminary to the daybreak. O God, bring us, somehow, to the daybreak!”
― A.W. Tozer, How to Be Filled with the Holy Spirit
Our sinful nature and our desires for vainglory are threats to our intimacy with Christ. What are we full of? Do we care too much about others’ acceptance and positions or titles? What might Christ desire to fill us with?
“The full he empties, and the empty he fills.”
Charles Spurgeon
God calls us to Himself first to repentance and faith, then He begins the process of leading on our journeys of faith. This call to trust, depend, and be transformed is above all ministry efforts! Got Questions reminds us:
Every Christian has a calling on his or her life. We were designed before the foundation of the world to be His workmanship, glorifying Him as we bring forth the fruit He desires (Ephesians 1:4–5; 2:10). God’s specific call to service usually begins with a burden for a particular need that relates to the kingdom of God.
Source: https://www.gotquestions.org/called-by-God.html
God is our Strong Refuge a place for us to find restoration and healing as we walk through the valleys of life.
A Solution: Working from A Place of Acceptance
Lane encourages us to focus of God acceptance through Jesus!
“Embrace God’s acceptance of you in Christ every day. The only acceptance that matters is that God in Christ has accepted you into his family and thought you worthy to carry His Gospel to others. In Christ, you don’t have to fight for acceptance; you fight FROM acceptance.
We minister and serve others from a place of acceptance. Jesus is our Rest and Refuge. It’s His acceptance that encourages us to keep moving ahead when others ignore or don’t respond. Often the rejection isn’t because of us–other’s reject God and His Truth. Therefore, they reject the messenger because of the message.
You don’t work for God’s approval; you work FROM God’s approval. You don’t strive for victory over pain; you strive FROM a place of victory in Christ for all eternity. Embrace and remind yourself regularly that God’s love is not BASED on my performance or the opinions of others; it is PLACED on me by an all-knowing, loving Father.
Recall that God’s love is Agape love–the highest form. God is Love and graciously redeems those who trust in His grace and truth.
I am accepted, loved, and blessed by God, no matter what happens around me. People may reject us as unimportant, but God accepts us and sets us apart for relationship and ministry in his kingdom.”
Ultimately, it is God who calls us! It’s not about pleasing others, making a name for ourselves or building our own kingdoms. God is the One who calls, equips, and sustains His!
Related Scriptural Passages
John 6:37; Romans 15:7; Ephesians 1:3-6; Colossians 1:13; 21-22
Closing Thought: Psalm 56:8 New Living Translation
8You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.
The Light in this image represents God’s touch upon a young man contemplating his present challenges in life.
Words of Grace & Hope 
Have you ever considered coming posts into book form?
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Idea that I have considered. Perhaps in the future if my site grows.
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