This post recounts an unexpected conversation with a struggling soul some years ago. Can you explain God’s love for people? How can we respond with compassion and kindness to others? If you were in this situation how would you have responded? Do we encounter people by accident? How do we encourage others in Christ who are struggling? Share your thoughts in the comment section, like to hear your insights.
The Conversation Begins . . . Are you one of those Christians?
Several years ago I was in the check out line at Target, in the days before self-checkout. I noticed that a young man in his early twenties behind me was glaring at my cross. When our eyes met, he asked me “are you one of those Christians?” I was unsure of what the issue was, but his tone indicated that he obviously didn’t like Christians. I had free time, so I asked him, “will you share your story with me?” My question caught him off guard. Guess he was expecting me to preach about the cross. He agreed to tell me his story if I would listen and answer his questions without preaching. Wearing a cross makes a man a preacher?
The Story Begins: Once a Teen Believer
We found an empty booth in the snack area. He introduced himself as a “former Christian”. He spoke about attending youth group in a local Baptist church, loving Jesus, and walking with God. He asserted that he was faithful as a teen and had “accepted Jesus Christ as Savior.” He had been baptized, prayed daily, and read God’s Word. But he had a problem. He liked other guys. He told me that no amount of prayer had changed his desires and attractions. He knew that such attractions were “wrong” and “sinful” so he made sure to keep himself “under control.” This situation worked for him until he left home to serve in the Air Force and became stressed/lonely.
Broken and Cast Aside
While serving in the Security Forces, he became attracted to a fellow airman and developed an intimate relationship. Someone found out and reported. He was forced to resign and return home in shame. His family found out why he resigned. He was cut-off from his parents and younger siblings. His local church voted him out and he was shunned by his small town community. Everyone expected him to change and be a “certain way” meaning find a young lady, get married, and not be “gay.” Consequently, he left his hometown and state to move in with another guy he met online. It seems that being shunned cemented his understanding that he should adopt a “lifestyle” in order to find community and acceptance.
The Questions
After sharing this with me, he asked me “does God really love me?” He wanted to know “why won’t God take this away and make me straight if He is against gays?” He also wanted to know why I was willing to listen. My answer:
First, I reminded him that God loves us because He is love. He loves because it’s His nature! Romans 5:8 and Romans 8. It’s God’s Nature to save sinners and adopt us as sons. God’s love reaches down to redeem us. While talking about God’s love, his tears started.
“Why doesn’t God make this struggle go away?” I don’t know the answer to this other than that God doesn’t perfect us [remove all sinful desires/tendencies] until we enter heaven or He returns. If we are truthful and willing to be vulnerable with others, we admit that we have sin struggles. Has God made your sinful desires go away? Are we ever free of desiring sin? Is a particular sin worse than any other?
Does God make people straight? What if God walks with people as they are and works redemption and grace through their lives? What if our sin struggles (of any type) in our lives demonstrate His marvelous grace? What matters is His grace, mercy, and redemption!
Why do we focus on sins in others and our lives instead of His Wonderful Love and Grace? Perhaps we prefer to focus on the sins so that we can justify ourselves and shun others! It’s easier to see and confront other’s sins than our own. Self-righteousness comes natural to our hearts wherein we can hide our own sins and point out others.
Why did I want to hear his story?
I told him that I enjoyed hearing people’s stories and encouraging them. I sensed that he was upset about something and I wanted to give him a chance to be heared. He was surpised that a “Christian” would want to hear anything he had to say.
Why don’t Christians love me?
His next question was wrenchingly painful. “If God loves me then why does my own family and church hate me?” With sadness, he said, “I was a Christian, and they all knew and loved me until I came out. Then they hated me for being truthful.” I struggled to answer this question.
He pressed me on this question until I responded: “people often fear what they don’t understand and don’t know what to say, do, or how to help.” This answer didn’t satisfy him. He rightly pointed out that if Christ loves so should His followers. Why did they love him prior? Is love conditional? Where is love ever presented as being conditional in God’s Word? Do we love people because we like how they are? Do we love others as they are?
Are we loving people as God instructs us to love them? Do we attach conditions and demand changes or improvements before we “love” someone? The early followers of Christ were known for their love–not their doctrine, church buildings, clothing, cross knecklaces, or political stances! God’s love reflected through their lives and witness-that’s how people identified them.
He asked me directly, “how do you feel about me and my truth?” I responded, “thanks for sharing your story. I’m sorry that you have been treated this way-specifically that others have rejected you.” I explained that I struggled with sinful areas in my life such as being humble, patient, and kind with others. His response, “that’s not the same.”
“What about me loving other guys: my truth?” My response, “all men struggle with some form of attraction to others: gay or straight. We all have to control our actions to honor Christ and others.”
How we perceive and respond to others
As this conversation continued, my heart softened. At first, I was talking with a hostile, ex-Christian. As he shared his story, I realized that he was a hurting young man who desperately wanted to be loved. Instead of being loved and encouraged by God’s people, he was shunned. I wonder how his story might have been different had he encountered a mentor/counselor or an understanding pastor? How many young men or women deal with sexual desires or other issues? Should a church shun and shame men/women who struggle with sexual desires?
The truth is that we tend to accept certain struggles more than others. The consquence of this is people get shunned instead of being encouraged. People walk away in shame when there was an opportunity for ministry and spiritual growth. And we wonder why young people leave churches and our faith! My point here is that we don’t know what others may be struggling with! If someone has the courage to be vulnerable and honest, how should we respond? How would you have responded to this conversation?
The sight of a cross knecklace in a check out line triggered a memory of his worst experience: being judged as unworthy and unloveable. To me the cross is a symbol of God’s great love, grace, and triumph over death and sin. For him the cross was a symbol of rejection and disgust. What does the cross mean to you?
Mark DeJesus teaches in his videos that “all healing is relational.” Mark explains that we are healed in broken areas our lives through relationships with other believers and in community-not isolation. Shame and shunning prevents this process. Did shaming and shunning this man lead him back to Christ and community?
When others struggle: our compassion and kindness matter!
Do we see others as Christ does? How would Jesus have responded? More importantly do we love others as God does? How should we “love” someone in this situation? The New Testament author uses the greek word agape for God’s love. Got questions explains this term in detail:
https://www.gotquestions.org/agape-love.html
Do we respond with agape love, kindness, and compassion or shun? How does Jesus engage with “sinners”?
When someone questions God’s love, consider the following truths:
First, God is love and offers redemption to sinners through grace. Every person sins and needs redemption. When we see others in sin we should consider our own sins and struggles!
Second, all people are made in His image. God’s love and desire for fellowship with us appears in His redemptive plan throughout the entire Bible. The act of creation and our births are signs of God’s love. He created us to enjoy and find purpose in Him!
Third, Jesus is the Good Shepherd who seeks out the Lost Sheep, Prodigal Sons, and Sinners (tax collectors, demon posessed men/women, Samaritan woman, etc). If Jesus sought out the lost and astray so should His followers!
Fourth, God offers His grace to us and we choose to accept or reject it. God’s grace transforms us making us into new creatures!
How did Jesus respond to Matthew and Zaccheaus? Did Jesus give them a lecture about stealing, overcharging taxes, or serving the pagan Romans? What about the Samartian Woman? Did Jesus lecture her on sexual purity or the evils of divorce/adultry? Seriously, why did these “sinners” repent? What transformed these souls? Jesus’ marvelous grace touched their lives and saved them.
Jesus taught that we will know people by their fruits and actions. Religion shames, relationships can lead to healing and restoration. Legalism brings shame and sorrow, grace gives new life! Are we offering legalistic religion, or Water of Life (John 4:13-14) to the spiritual thirsty we encounter in our walks of life?
The Conversation Ends
He concludes by telling me about how much he misses his family and life before “it all fell apart”. His former lover had left him to be with someone “who has less issues and was a better fit for him.” Life was stinging him again with yet another rejection and humiliation. He was once again alone. He asked me, “what should I do, does it ever get better?” I told him that God doesn’t ever give up or stop loving us. Seek and walk with Him.” He replied, “But when does it get better since you seem to know the answers.”
With a tear in my eye, I said, “it gets better as we trust God and accept His grace. God is faithful to deliver us into eternity with him.” He thanked me for listening and not condemning him then he walked away.
Conclusion:
I don’t know if this young prodigal found his way home or returned to waking with God. Hearing his story helped me to understand that each person has a story! If we will listen to others then doors to share grace, truth, and hope may open. God redeems and reaches out, we share His grace, truth, and hope! The question is are we willing to meet people as they are? Do we see others through the eyes of grace, mercy, and compassion? Or are we more concerned about demanding that others change?
Why didn’t I confront his situation with biblical passages? Consider that this was a brief interaction. He needed me to hear him and respond to his questions, not demand that he change. He seemed to have an awareness of how Christians should live.
The whole point of this post is to encourage you to daily engage with others where you encounter them as God provides opportunity. God does the marvelous work of transformation! We do the work of sharing His grace, truth, and hope to others in a manner that demonstrates God’s love. May God’s love radiate through your presence to other’s lives!
Words of Grace & Hope 