How can followers of Christ gracefully engage and encourage people walking away from organized “Christianity” and local churches? Including links to helpful sites and resources for those struggling.
Writing this post for those who are struggling to hold onto faith or are in the process of walking away. For this article’s purpose, deconstruction is defined best by Paul Trip’s Aftermath:
“We should all be deconstructing our faith — we better do it. Because our faith becomes a culture, a culture so webbed into the purity of truth that it’s hard to separate the two. And we better do some deconstructing or we’re going to find ourselves again and again in these sad places. (Aftermath, 36:57)”
This author considers deconstruction as an opportunity to reconstruct, rebuild faith on a stable, Christ-centered foundation. Recommend focusing on the Gospels, reconsidering Jesus and His Ways after dealing with losses, difficulties, and setbacks in your journey of faith.
Jon Bloom comments on this definition:
“If you listen to Tripp’s full quote, it’s clear that what he means by “deconstruction” is a critical dismantling not of historical orthodox Christian beliefs, or rejecting the oversight of New Testament-endorsed faithful, godly, spiritual leaders (Hebrews 13:7), but of cultural influences and redefine the faith in unbiblical, harmful ways.”
Practical Examples
An example of this deconstruction model is when a believer leaves a church or community due to spiritual, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. One begins to question how to move forward in faith and in community. The issue centers on God’s Gospel and biblical truths being distorted/misrepresented in communities of faith. Another common situation is where a person doesn’t feel connected or welcome in communities of faith.
This problem is nothing new! It’s the reason that Paul writes numerous letters in the New Testament canon. John and Peter also write epistles for the same reason: to confront lies or false “ideas” that were leading people away from the True Gospel and person of Jesus. New Testament writes address issues such as divisions, legalism, favoritism, and other problems that divide believers.
Origins of the Term “deconstruction”
Jon Bloom traces the origins and development of the term deconstruction in his article:
https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/what-does-deconstruction-even-mean
Personal Accounts
Listening to others describe their “walking away” experience, several threads emerge. First, most who walk away were highly involved since childhood in a local church. They often will mention positive experiences and good memories. Second, the struggle with doubt(s) and questions is a common theme. How the church leadership responded was a major component of choosing to walk away or de-fellowship. Third, the loss of relationships and familiar worship/faith communities felt like a deep loss that requires a time of grieving. People don’t typically deconstruct and later de-convert due to “petty” or simple disagreements. No one reported leaving the faith to “enjoy” living in sin.
One major concern includes accounts of people being publicly confronted and humiliated due to questions/doubts. Comments were made in small groups and from the pulpit that attacked the character and faithfulness of others. Gossip and other malicious comments were spread through the faith and local community.
One young man discussed being publicly removed from his church due to him being truthful about his sexual orientation. His biological family disowned him and keeps him isolated from his siblings and other relatives. This is unacceptable and one of the major signs of a toxic community! How does Jesus respond to questions in the Gospel accounts? Consider Jesus’ actions and attitudes in how He relates to others.
People reveal their nature in how they behave and relate to others in person and in public. This article is the third on this subject matter.
Previous articles:
Viewpoints
Youtube Video from ex-vangelical– this is C.J.’s take on why people leave. C.J. left and later returns to faith. He gives some valuable insights on this topic.
How to Relate to Those in Deconstruction: Grace
The Samaritan Women: the social outcast
Consider how Jesus relates to those He encounters in the Gospels. When Jesus encounters the Samaritan Woman at the well. He engages her with a request for water and speaks truth to her in a manner in which she is able to respond. She later goes to share the Good News of the Messiah’s arrival with her entire village! Jesus doesn’t lecture her on the sanctity of marriage or the evils of divorce. Jesus teaches her about worshiping in spirit and in truth.
The Tax Collectors: hated Roman collaborators
When Jesus engages Matthew and Zaccheus the despised Roman tax collectors, He invites Himself for dinner. He meets them as they are and invites Himself into their homes. Jesus doesn’t lecture them for being politically aligned with the Romans and stealing from their own people. Zaccheus demonstrates his new faith by repaying four fold what he had stolen from others. Matthew leaves his tax collecting business and follows Jesus.
My point is simple: Jesus engages with people as they are! Not what they could or should be. Jesus doesn’t manipulate, shame, or talk over/down to those who come to see Him or encounter Him. Jesus speaks truth with grace. His harshest words are for the religious and self-righteous. He calls people to trust and follow Him. His grace, compassion, and truth change those who follow Him. The Gospels and Acts reveal this as a process.
Accept and love people as they are in the present! Not as you want or demand they should be! Jesus radically changes Peter. Jesus leads him as a former fisherman, leader of the Disciples, and later reconciles with him after his denials. Are we not all like Peter in ways? Are we at times rash, impatient, and misunderstanding our Savior during our journeys?
For a quick read on Peter’s journey of faith:
Culture Wars
Contemporary, “conservative” evangelical Christians tend to focus on issues such as gender identity, same sex marriage, teaching/displaying Ten Commandments in public places, and numerous other topics. The issue emerges when this becomes a narrative thread in every sermon and small group discussion. Pastors have the responsibility to teach biblical truth and apply these truths to contemporary cultural and social issues. However, truth is best delivered with grace, understanding, and compassion.
When church leaders promote and discuss secular politics, people with different views become “turned off”. When this becomes a main focus of public proclamation, comments from pulpit, and small group discussions, social media posts, and workplace arguments/discussions then we are missing the call of Christ. Does God need people to defend Him or His Word? Why is it that many “lost” people know more about what evangelical American believers are against than Who believers follow?
There is a major disconnect from the person of Christ and His Heavenly Kingdom when so called believers seek to use earthly or social-political means to “fight” the culture wars. Christ’s followers are called to follow Him and live as examples. Did Jesus start crusades or witch hunts? Was His Kingdom of this world? God’s Kingdom comes through service, grace, mercy, compassion, and kindness.
Peter’s Sword
When Peter uses his sword against the high priest’s servant, how does Jesus react?
Luke 22:49-51 Berean Study Bible (BSB)
49Those around Jesus saw what was about to happen and said, “Lord, should we strike with our swords?” 50And one of them struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his right ear.
51But Jesus answered, “No more of this!” And He touched the man’s ear and healed him.
Notice that Jesus immediately ends the sword defense/cutting. He heals on of the men who is present to arrest Him! Consider that Jesus’ way is different.
John 18:10-11 (BSB)
10Then Simon Peter drew his sword and struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his right ear. The servant’s name was Malchus.
11“Put your sword back in its sheath!” Jesus said to Peter. “Shall I not drink the cup the Father has given Me?”
Jesus heals the man who is part of the arresting party. He tells Peter to put the sword done.
Jesus and Pilate
Later Jesus tells Pilate: John 18: 36-37 (BSB)
36Jesus answered, “My kingdom is not of this world; if it were, My servants would fight to prevent My arrest by the Jews. But now My kingdom is not of this realm.”
37“Then You are a king!” Pilate said.
“You say that I am a king,” Jesus answered. “For this reason I was born and have come into the world, to testify to the truth. Everyone who belongs to the truth listens to My voice.”
Consider how Johnathan encourages David during a difficult time in his life and journey. 1 Samuel 23:15-18.
Being a source of His Light and Grace
Jon Bloom reminds us of our call in Christ:
“And to each person, whatever their struggle, we are called to extend the grace of Christ. . . .But it’s helpful to keep in mind that a deconstructing Christian is often someone in significant pain. Anyone, like me, who has gone through a faith crisis (or multiple ones) knows that it’s not some abstract academic exercise. Questioning our foundational beliefs and wrestling with doubts about them often feels like we’re being, in Francis Schaeffer’s words, “torn to pieces.” If you read more in-depth about Schaeffer’s faith crisis and reconstruction process, you will see how disturbing, disorienting, and frightening it can be to experience (or to watch a loved one experience).
So, as we seek to extend the grace of Christ to someone experiencing deconstruction — however passively or actively, however privately or publicly — it will be important to press in carefully, ask clarifying questions, and listen well, to inform how we do or do not respond, so that our love may “abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment” (Philippians 1:9).”
Source: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/what-does-deconstruction-even-mean
The best response is to actively listen and pray for those struggling in person or privately. Common platitudes, shame, and minimizing statements increase the feelings of disconnect and discontent. When engaging with those who are deconstructing or have already deconverted, it’s vital to listen and trust in God’s ability to heal and restore.
It’s not about having the right words, or sharing some deep insight. It’s about being available and responding as Christ shows us in the Gospels.
Written Resources
Philip Yancey has some excellent books for struggling believers. I found that his honest and approachable writing style helped me as I was navigating some difficulties and questions in my own journey.
Words of Grace & Hope 