For those who feel misunderstood, neglect, overlooked, and accused by other believers of “loving sin”, I write.
Today’s quotes and reflections are centered on Dan Foster’s article: “How to Win Arguments Without Listening: (Evangelical Edition) What one dismissive comment reveals about evangelicalism’s discomfort with complexity”. This post examines the issues that ones faces when seeking to grow and question issues of faith.
A Medium membership is required to read this article. I share these quotes with the intention of encouraging fellow believers to consider how our response to others’ questions, doubts, or personal decisions impact others.
Author’s note: I don’t agree with Dan Foster’s theological understanding of Christ particularly his denial of substitutionary atonement. What is this key doctrine?
https://www.gotquestions.org/substitutionary-atonement.html
However, Dan correctly identifies issues in how we respond to other people’s doubts and struggles in faith.
Issue #1: Emotional Invalidation
Pamela Madsen explains:
Emotional invalidation can take various forms, such as:
- Minimization: “It’s not a big deal, don’t overreact.”
- Dismissing: “You’re just being too sensitive.”
- Ignoring: Failing to acknowledge or respond to someone’s emotions.
- Blaming: “You’re the reason this happened.”
- Comparing: “Others have it worse, so you shouldn’t feel this way.”
How this impacts others:
“When individuals experience repeated emotional invalidation, they may begin to doubt their own feelings and perceptions. This can lead to:
- Self-doubt: Feeling unsure about one’s emotions and reactions.
- Difficulty in Relationships: Struggling to connect authentically with others.
- Emotional Distress: Increased anxiety, depression, or anger.
- Low Self-Esteem: Feeling unworthy or undeserving of validation.”
Source: https://seachangepsychotherapy.com/posts/emotional-invalidation/
Treating others with emotional invalidation leads to people pulling away, avoiding, and refusing to live authentically. It’s an issue when someone is asking questions and seeking truth. How do we respond to others? Do we compassionately listen–actively listen and offer presence? Or do we seek to correct them immediately? Do we sit with others or criticize them?
Solutions:
Let’s sit with people, accept them as they are, and listen actively. Answer questions with grace and be authentic in our relationships with others. It’s appropriate to explain that some questions aren’t easily answered or have clear answers. Allow God to be God, we don’t have to defend Him or our theological understandings by attacking others.
Issue 2: Dismissing and Accusing
The “loving sin” accusation
Dan identifies “certainty” as the root issue: highlights mine
“It’s certainty. The kind that doesn’t need to ask follow-up questions because it already has the answers. The kind that can’t imagine someone leaving their theological system for reasons of integrity or pain or growth — only for indulgence. . .But that posture is built on fear — fear that if someone leaves and it’s not because of sin, maybe the system itself can be questioned. Maybe the box wasn’t big enough for the Spirit. Maybe faith doesn’t look the same for everyone. Maybe there’s more.
And “more” is threatening when your security depends on having it all nailed down.
Accusing someone of loving sin is a way to preserve that security. It protects you from having to consider that maybe God led them somewhere you haven’t been. That maybe they didn’t walk away from faith — but walked deeper into it.”
The last quote stands out: walked deeper into it. Consider Jesus: the religious leaders refused to acknowledge and follow Truth when He stood before them. He didn’t fit their narrative. He healed on the Sabbath and taught people using parables. He didn’t fit their idea of a conqueror Messiah. They missed Him because they weren’t willing to accept truth that was outside of their “narrative”. They plotted and murdered Him because He was a threat to their religious system.
Later, the same officials gave the Apostles and Paul constant grief. When truth didn’t fit the narratives, they chose their traditions and understanding over God. Walking with Jesus requires humility, courage, and self-reflection. God calls His to walk in His ways and seek His truth!
Solution:
We miss an opportunity to engage others when we shame and dismiss others because they have different ideas or experiences. Active listening doesn’t mean agreement, but that we are present and engaged. Consider the situation and your role! Do people see Christ in us or a dismissive “know it all” hypocrite?
The real danger of certainty is that it closes one’s mind to considering other alternatives! What if we have ideas or concepts that need to expand? Obviously, discernment is important but a closed mind is an unchallenged mind. God’s Word gives us the “boundaries” for appropriate doctrine and beliefs. Got Questions is an excellent resource for understanding and viewing various topics with biblical and theological references.
Issue #3 Eisegesis
This issue emerges in private and group Bible studies. It’s easy to read our opinions, culture, and political leanings into Bible passages. This becomes the focus for how the meaning and application are applied. Bible scholars have a term for this error: eisegesis.
Got Questions defines this term:
Eisegesis, on the other hand, involves 1) imagination: what idea do I want to present? 2) exploration: what Scripture passage seems to fit with my idea? and 3) application: what does my idea mean?
Notice that, in eisegesis, there is no examination of the words of the text or their relationship to each other, no cross-referencing with related passages, and no real desire to understand the actual meaning. Scripture serves only as a prop to the interpreter’s idea.
Source: https://www.gotquestions.org/exegesis-eisegesis.html
There are numerous online commentaries, authors, devotionals, etc. that provide guidance for proper bible study, interpretation, and life application. When reading scripture, it’s important to understand the type of literature, the original audience, and how the passage is typically interpreted.
Issue #4 Politics and Religion Before Gospel
Follow Christ or the political ideologies and conflicts of our present, divided era? The Gospel is the firm foundation for following and becoming like Christ! Holy Spirit gives us discernment and insight into how our lives align with God’s Truth and His call on us to be His followers.
This is the great beauty of the gospel: The character of Jesus doesn’t change.
No matter how often his name is invoked in the pursuit of power, the fact that he sided with the powerless remains constant. Jesus blessed the meek, the mourning, and the poor in spirit (Matthew 5-7). He told the rich that their money was a prison (Matthew 19:23-26) and the culture warriors to practice a little self-awareness (John 8:7).
Power and politics shift with the sunrise, but Jesus will always be present for us losers — offering hope, wisdom, and strength to any broken spirit willing to draw close.
Josh Duncan
Solution:
There is a place and time to discuss politics with others. Do we value our own political ideas above the best interests of others? Do our political views align with our character and values? Do we view and care for others according to Jesus’ example? Self-reflection and humility as well as well defined boundaries on politics positions us for compassionate view of others.
Boundaries:
One can discuss political ideas and difference with respect to others. Sensitivity and active listening assists us in finding “common” ground. Disagreement doesn’t have to be personal or offensive. Respecting others and their views opens pathways for dialogue and understanding.
Path Forward
Walter Rhein writes:
“Once you’ve lived a life of love, and respect, and basic human decency, you can never go back. Once the blinders have been ripped away, you can never unsee the truth.
I think that’s why the forces of oppression scheme so tirelessly to keep us blind. They know that if so much as a sliver of light gets in, centuries of corrupt industry will be undone.
Knowing that, we must also recognize that it’s our job to tear the blinders away. But even if we fail at that, we can take strength in knowing that people possess an inner light that can provide guidance even in total darkness.”
The “inner light” is God’s Truth as revealed by Holy Spirit. This inner light is the Presence of God in those who follow and trust Him! Decency is crucial to our relations with others.
Closing Thoughts
I write about these issues to encourage you! We have areas in our lives that are complex and wounds that require healing. The goal is to be growing, thriving, and shining forth the light of His presence! Comments, questions are welcome.
The pilgrim walks up the steep path. He’s chosen the narrow and challenging path over the easy path. May God guide your steps in this journey of faith!
Words of Grace & Hope 