In post one of this series, we examine the dangers of moving ahead of God, being disconnected from the vine of Christ, and failing to be worshiping God/seeking His presence together. In this post, we focus on Jesus’ warnings to churches in Revelation, and the role of attachment styles in relationships. Images created using Night Cafe Studio, Canva Pro. Bible passages from Berean Standard Bible online through biblehub.
Chamber’s warning
God continually introduces us to people in whom we have no interest, and unless we are worshiping God the natural tendency is to be heartless toward them.
We give them a quick verse of Scripture, like jabbing them with a spear, or leave them with a hurried, uncaring word of counsel before we go.
https://utmost.org/helpful-or-heartless-toward-others/
How then should we respond to others? Two ideas: first practice active listening and give the gift of presence. Take a moment to ask meaningful questions and allow the person(s) to speak. Ensure that the person is heard and respond with empathy. Avoid common spiritual platitudes or providing advice. Instead of promising to pray for a person then walking away, ask if he or she is comfortable praying together now. If so then pray and check on them in near future if possible.
A.I rendered imagery of two friends who find joy in mutual support/prayer.
Dr. Michael A. Milton explains:
Christianity is not transactional; it is relational. It is relational because our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ related to us in the most incarnational way—God never ceasing to be God but taking on flesh that He might relate to us in the most existentially personal way possible.
Dr. Milton gives a scriptural overview and practical considerations for the ministry of presence.
https://michaelamilton.substack.com/p/the-ministry-of-presence
Worshiping together in the light. There is fellowship and community in the body of Christ. Are we living and relating to others in a manner that welcomes others into our fellowship?
God introduces people to our lives to give us a chance to worship Him! How many times do we fail to worship God in how we relate to others? I find myself being distant, cold, and impatient with others when I am distant from God due to internal struggles/lack of worship. My heart becomes colder and harsh when I neglect to seek His grace, forgive others, and seek His Kingdom and Righteousness above all else.
Cold Churches & Unwelcoming Places
A.I of lamp stand in the presence of Heavenly Father. God refers to churches in Revelation as lamp stands. A lamp stand provides light when it properly functions!
The answer is to repent and return to our first love! God instructs the church at Ephesus in Revelation 2
“4But I have this against you: You have abandoned your first love. 5Therefore, keep in mind how far you have fallen. Repent and perform the deeds you did at first. But if you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.”
And Revelation 3
1“To the angel of the church in Sardis write:
These are the words of the One who holds the seven Spirits of God and the seven stars.
I know your deeds; you have a reputation for being alive, yet you are dead. 2Wake up and strengthen what remains, which was about to die; for I have found your deeds incomplete in the sight of My God. 3Remember, then, what you have received and heard. Keep it and repent. If you do not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know the hour when I will come upon you.
Repent and turn back to God in faith and obedience! Remember the Gospel and how that we are saved by His grace for His glory! All is for His glory and through His presence!
Attachment Styles: How People Form Attachment
Studying attachment styles helps to understand how people relate to others. Knowing the characteristics of each style is beneficial. It is also important to be aware of your own attachment style. A good understanding of these styles helps you to approach and serve others from a secure attachment position.
Attachment styles can improve with practice and healing! People can grow toward becoming more secure: the ideal style in which to relate with others. This site is helpful:
Our attachment style impacts how we relate to God! Rod Marshall explains:
“Recent research also indicates that our attachment style can also impact our relationship with God:
- Securely attached individuals seek secure attachment with a Heavenly Father who they believe to be trustworthy.
- Individuals with an anxious attachment style may believe that God is looking for an opportunity to punish or reject them yet they may be deeply drawn to pursue a relationship with God.
- Individuals with a dismissive attachment style may not value their relationship with their Heavenly father and may be reluctant to seek God’s face through Bible study and community within a Christian fellowship.
- Individuals with a fearful-avoidant attachment style may believe that God is seeking to punish them and they are not likely to believe that pursuit of a relationship with God is a high priority.”
Source: https://www.pathwaysprofessional.org/blog/2019/2/19/adult-attachment-god-and-each-other
The Avoidant Styles
The two main avoidant styles: dismissive and fearful avoidant (also referred to as disorganized attachment) are the more difficult ones to relate. If you encounter someone with these styles you will notice their fear of forming close relationships. They give the impression of being cold, distant, uninvolved, uncaring, and sometimes hostile. Consider that the underlying causes are typically trauma, past hurts, and especially emotional needs not being met in childhood.
These patterns of behaviors indicate a need for healing, restoration, and treatment from a licensed mental health professional. It helps to recognize these patterns so you can understand the why of these behavioral patterns. Recognizing what “triggers” these behaviors assist in relating securely with others. It’s not our job or role to “heal” or “fix” others. Believers should be a source of grace, compassion, and understanding without judging/fixing others.
Anxious Attachment
Anxious or preoccupied attachment style appears in three behavior patterns:
Low self-esteem, strong fear of rejection or abandonment, and clinginess in relationships are common signs of this attachment style.
Sourced: article linked below
One will encounter avoidant and anxious relationship styles in ministry relationships. These are opportunities to love and encourage others as they are. Set clear boundaries, explain your expectations, and practice loving kindness/patience with others! Pray that God will heal and make whole the anxious and avoidant people you encounter. Until someone trusts enough to be vulnerable, we don’t know how someone is hurting.
The young pilgrims walk the path together.
Consider three lyrics of the Latin hymn “Ubi Caritas”. Ubi Caritas was historically sung on Thursday of Holy Week during the rite of foot washing (symbolize Jesus’ washing of disciples at Last Supper). It is also sung during communion by various denominations.
Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est– Where charity and love are, God is there.
Congregavit nos in unum Christi amor.–Love of Christ has gathered us into one.
Et in medio nostri sit Christus Deus. And in the midst of us be Christ our God.
God’s Presence and Holy Spirit shine through our lives to those around us! In Him we experience and radiate warmth through His truth, grace, and love for ourselves and others!
Words of Grace & Hope 