For those suffering through religious trauma:
Featured Image: young believer reflects on past painful experiences as he enjoys a sun rise near calming sea.
This post exists for those who’ve experienced hurt or disappointment in journey of faith relating to the institutional church. This post seeks to provide resources, insights, and perspectives on a personal and deeply painful topic.
*Topics and discussions within this article may bring to mind painful experiences and past/present situations. Seek professional assistance in healing! This article doesn’t provide advice or take the place of seeking medical/professional counseling/treatment.
This author seeks to edify those experiencing or recovering from religious trauma, spiritual abuse, etc. Your experience(s) and story matter!
*I use the term “institutional church” in this post to refer to local congregations, denominations, and other human structures established to govern religious structures/communities.
Pastor Brandon frequently engages this difficult subject on his website/blog and Facebook posts. Images created using Night Cafe Studio.
Pastor Brandon shares his insights on how to respond to “church hurt.”
https://www.pastorbrandon.online/
Facebook page: quotes source
At times, our final destination (present with God in eternity) seems clouded by difficult experiences in life.
What is Religious Trauma?
This author prefers to use the term religious trauma as opposed to “church hurt.” The term church hurt is systematically used by “religious” individuals to dismiss and minimize those walking through this difficult season of faith journey. What is your experience?
Excellent article and resource for this topic:
Summary of Symptoms
Source: Depth Counseling Article “Religious Trauma Therapy” quoted directly, emphasis mine:
- Anxiety and depression: Individuals who have experienced religious trauma may struggle with anxiety and depression. They may experience fear, guilt, or shame related to their religious beliefs or spiritual experiences.
- Loss of faith or questioning beliefs: Religious trauma can lead individuals to question their faith or lose their belief in a higher power altogether. They may feel disillusioned with the teachings and practices of their former religious community.
- Distrust and difficulty forming relationships: Religious trauma can erode trust, making it challenging for individuals to form new relationships. They may struggle with feelings of betrayal and find it difficult to open up and trust others.
- Negative self-image and low self-esteem: Religious trauma can deeply impact an individual’s self-esteem. They may internalize negative messages and beliefs, leading to a diminished sense of self-worth.
- Fear of religious spaces or rituals: Individuals who have experienced religious trauma may develop a fear or aversion to religious spaces, rituals, or symbols. These triggers can evoke intense emotions and anxiety.
Important Consideration:
*It is important to note that not all individuals who have experienced religious trauma will exhibit these signs and symptoms. Each person’s experience is unique, and the impact of religious trauma can vary widely.”
As individuals we experience disappointments and situations differently. Your feelings and experiences are valid! It’s helpful to build a system of support to share your experiences in a safe, welcoming, and healing environment.
Naming and reflecting on our past hurts enables us to process and move through the difficulties.
Categories
Pastor Brandon identifies Four Categories:
4 Categories to Consider
When we hear “church hurt,” our minds often jump to the extremes. And yes—those exist. I’ve seen them. But in well over 99% of the stories I’ve heard, the harm wasn’t physical or criminal.
It was relational.
Spiritual.
Emotional.
Systemic.
And no—it wasn’t any less damaging.
We experience “hurt” and disappointment in various areas of our relationships with the institutional church and fellow believers. Relationships with others become strained due to a multiple issues that arise in local communities. For an example, when a believer’s conscience is troubled by lack of love, concern, and other issues such as christian nationalism and other differing perspectives.
Spiritual issues arise due to different theological viewpoints, issues of daily practice, etc. Emotional hurts come from different communication and relational styles (attachment theory). Believers may feel disconnected due to different life styles (married, single, divorced, widowed, etc.). The political polarization of USA and other societal factors also create boundaries and conflicts within local communities.
Systematic issues present issues as well. Differences in opinion and leadership styles influence sense of belonging and participation. Denominations and religious institutions have structures, expectations, and practices that conflict with personal preferences. Lack of accountability and transparency arise in denominations/religious organization that emphasize a “top down” mentality and operation. Churches that are lead by “charismatic”, celebrity styled-leaders who demand total obedience who resist self-reflection and accountability create an atmosphere of control and fear in which spiritual abuse thrives.
These four categories lead to cultures wherein disconnection, spiritual abuse, and manipulative thrive.
A warm, quiet place serves as refuge and source of rest, renewal, and healing. What is your favorite place to go to process and reflect?
Mindset Issues
The following quotes are from Pastor Brandon on his Facebook post.
Lack of Accountability: Harmful Mindset
Emphasis Mine
“I once heard a pastor say in a staff meeting, “The Church is the Bride of Christ. And I don’t like my bride criticized—so why would Jesus?”It sounded holy. It sounded deep. It sounded like wisdom. But it was actually one of the most dangerous things I’ve ever heard leave a pastor’s lips. Because what that really means is:
“Don’t hold us accountable.”
“Only positive feedback allowed.”
“If you speak up, you’re being disloyal.”
That mindset doesn’t protect the Church. It protects leaders from accountability.
And when churches refuse to acknowledge harm, they don’t stop causing it.
They just replace the people who leave.”
This attitude is typical of those who dismiss and minimize the experience(s) and perspective of those who have been neglected, used, or manipulated. Leaders must be accountable and practice self-examination/reflection. Those who refuse accountability or take responsibility for moral failures reveal a serious immoral nature.
Mindset of Presence:
“Here’s the truth we avoid:
If a community claims to follow Jesus, it deserves more accountability—not less.
And when a church treats accountability like rebellion, that’s your cue to leave. Quickly.
So if someone tells you they were harmed by the church—this is not the moment to defend the institution.
It’s not about you.
It’s not about optics.
It’s not about protecting “the bride.”
Is the focus on denial, minimizing, or preserving the institution? Consider the difference between being present with others, and seeking to preserve the status quo! Do we care more about defending an institution or religious system than being like Christ?
A friend sits with another patiently listening and being present!
People and Presence
“It’s about the wounded person sitting in front of you.
You don’t need explanations.
You don’t need theology.
You don’t need excuses.
You need presence.
Because the Church doesn’t lose credibility when people speak up about harm.
It loses credibility when it refuses to listen.”
The mid day sun shines light on the narrow country trail inviting the pilgrim forward in his journey.
A Way Forward
I propose that we actively engage (listen, be present) with others who are willing to share their perspectives. We don’t have to be licensed therapists to actively listen and provide moral support. Active listening and moral support don’t take the place of professional treatment! It’s appropriate to guide others to seek assistance while being present and supporting.
Google Gemini Defines the Ministry of Presence: emphasis mine
“The Ministry of Presence is about showing up authentically and being fully available for others, often more important than words, focusing on active listening, compassionate comfort, and being a steady, non-judgmental support in both good times and bad, modeled after Jesus’ way of being with people, rather than just doing things for them. It involves bearing burdens, sharing life, praying together, and offering a safe, honest space, allowing God’s presence to flow through you to bring comfort and connection.”
Dr. Milton explains:
“Being there” is not passive. It may look passive, but in fact, it is very active: active listening, active attention, active concern, and active prayer.
Source Article: https://michaelamilton.substack.com/p/the-ministry-of-presence
Dr. Michael A. Milton provides a scriptural discussion of the ministry of presence. He examines the following text: Philippians 2:1-11 and includes reflection questions.
The group of young believers enjoy the view and warmth together. This author believes that healing and restoration comes through fellowship with other like minded individuals committed to walking the journey of faith and life together in a safe and nurturing manner.
Ministry of Presence Overview
Google A.I. gives this overview that summarizes the Ministry of Presence:
Core Principles
- Authenticity: Be real, not pretending things are better or worse, ministering in your own weaknesses so God’s power shows.
- Availability: Be fully present (heart, mind, soul) with people where they are, without distractions or personal agendas.
- Compassion: See and value individuals as God sees them, expressing care even without words.
- Faithfulness: Be a consistent, steady presence over time, not just during crises, as exemplified by Jesus.
2. Key Practices
- Active Listening: Listen with intention to hear hopes, fears, and concerns.
- Silence: Embrace silence as a powerful way to engage and honor grief.
- Bearing Burdens: Share suffering, offer comfort, confess sins, and pray with and for others.
- Being There: Go to people (like Jesus did), sit with them in suffering (like Job’s friends), and build them up.
- Creating Safety: Foster environments of trust, honesty, and respect where people feel safe to be themselves.
Call to Action
Be a person of grace, kindness, compassion, and love that flows onto others around you!
This man finds peace in letting go of his past and embracing his truth. He is no longer carrying the burden of shame, guilt, and sorrow from remaining in a toxic environment. I’ve personally felt peace in stepping aside from church, institutional ministry during this season in my life as I seek healing and restoration.
Words of Grace & Hope 