Grief and Healing Aren’t Linear
Featured Image: Pilgrim stands on beach as waves come crashing ashore from storm out at sea.
Images created using NightCafe Studio.
Grief is more a curving than linear experience. By this I propose that grief doesn’t follow a linear progression in our emotional experience(s) and reactions. Our feelings of loss, despair, and missing someone will emerge, fade/disappear, then re-emerge in unexpected, unplanned moments. Holidays and other significant days often trigger the intense feeling that someone is missing. Getting promoted or other life achievements (good things) can trigger past grief.
Grief comes against us in waves–just as in this image of some rough surf.
Tim writes in Walking with God through Pain and Suffering reminding us that even when waves crash against us, God’s peace holds us.
“If you have ever been on a coast in a storm and seen the waves come in and hit the rocks, sometimes the waves are so large that they cover a particular rock, and you think, “That is the end of that rock.” But when the waves recede, there it is still. It hasn’t budged an inch. A person who feels the “peace that passes understanding” is like that. No matter what is thrown at you, you know it will not make you lose your footing.”
Source: https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/24678714-walking-with-god-through-pain-and-suffering
God gives us this peace! Peace holds us as the intense emotions crash through our daily lives.
Three Considerations: Emotions of Grief
First:
“Do not suppress your emotions. When you allow yourself to feel what you need to feel, you can better process and resolve the complex waves that arrive out of nowhere.”
Expect waves of grief to come–consider that you will be riding waves of grief like a surfer rides ocean waves. The key is to not let the waves suffocate you by holding you down. Repressed emotions don’t go away they impact your entire nervous system and cause physical ailments. Recommended to seek help from grief specialist and participate/create a grief support group.
The disciplined, experienced surfer rides the waves that nature brings forth. The important thing is to stay on the board and above the waves that come crashing.
Second:
“There is no finish line. When a loved one dies, your life is changed forever. You don’t have to feel sad from now on, but it is very helpful to not assume it just stops hurting at some point.
The pain of loss will always be present. It’s something we have to learn to accept and live with. Establishing rituals to remember, release grief, and celebrate the good memories helps.
Third:
“Grief is not a contest. How long or how intensely we grieve is not a healthy way to measure how we feel about the person we lost. Even when things feel like they’re improving, you can get triggered by reminders like anniversaries, birthdays, etc.“
Source: https://evolvetherapygroup.com/why-grief-isnt-linear-coping-with-the-unexpected-waves/
How we view death and end of our lives matters! Image seeks to capture the joy of walking into eternity through the end of our earthly journey.
An Eternal Perspective on Death
How we respond to death (grief) depends on our perspective on death. Tim Keller incorporates a worldly vrs God’s peace in his short book On Death
The world can only give us peace that says, “It probably won’t get that bad.” Jesus’s peace is different. It says, “Even the worst that can happen—your death—is ultimately the best thing that can happen.
We all long for a “place” that is truly home. Jesus says that it awaits you. (82)
For additional quotes:
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/20-quotes-tim-kellers-new-short-book-death/
This hopeful perspective reminds us that death isn’t the end, but a journey to our true home. This perspective helps us to find a purpose and meaning in our pain: the intense feeling of loss and finality we experience in grief.
God has us!
Jesus meets us in our moments of grief. He comforts a young man dealing with the loss of a loved one.
“God is very patient with us when we are desperate. Pour out your soul to him.” Tim Keller
Jesus walks with us through the dark valleys! Grief is a season that endures longer that we realize. Consider Psalm 23–it’s not about death but about life in a difficult season.
The message of Psalm 23:4 is one of comfort. We do not need to fear. God is with us, and His presence gives us strength and hope.
Source: https://www.gotquestions.org/valley-shadow-death.html
Brief Explanation of Transition
“However, “valley of the shadow of death” is possibly not the most accurate translation of the original Hebrew text. The NIV, NLT, and HCBS translate the phrase as “darkest valley,” resulting in Psalm 23:4 reading as, “Even though I walk through the darkest valley . . . .” The Hebrew word for “shadow of death” is sal-ma-wet, which means “darkness” or “dark shadows.” It contains the same root as the Hebrew word for “death” (ma-wet), so it is easy to see why some Bible translators include the mention of death in Psalm 23:4.
In addition, the concept of darkness fits much better in the context of Psalm 23. Psalm 23, especially verses 1–4, uses the language of a shepherd and his sheep to describe our relationship with God: “The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. . . . Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me” (Psalm 23:1–4).”
Source: Got Questions as noted in previous source
Purpose and Meaning In Grief
The surfer has to endure the waves and trails of the sea to enjoy the privilege of riding the waves coming ashore.
Grieve with hope; wake up and be at peace; laugh in the face of death, and sing for joy at what’s coming. If you have Jesus Christ by the hand, and he’s got you by the hand, you can sing. (72)
We can sing with tears of relief and hope. Hope is the presence of a Greater One, a faithful, High Priest who knows our weaknesses and gently guides us through the darker experiences of our lives!
Hopeful View to our Grief: Looking to His Glory
“All the beauty we have looked for in art or faces or places—and all the love we have looked for in the arms of other people—is only fully present in God himself. And so in every action by which we treat him as glorious as he is, whether through prayer, singing, trusting, obeying, or hoping, we are at once giving God his due and fulfilling our own design.”
Brave, courageous pilgrim has endured and walked through the dark valley to ascend to a higher place. His Good Shepherd leads him to a different perspective as he reflects on his journey and anticipates entering the peaceful lush valley below.
Words of Grace & Hope 